Gift List

Dear Comrades! I am taking the challenge! Pam gave me a wonderful book for my birthday entitled One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. In the book she tells of a friend who challenged her to write down on paper 1000 gifts. Graces. Blessings, small and large. It’s a practice called Eucharisteo. Eucharist. Thanksgiving and gifts leading us to joy. A Thousand Gifts is the author’s journey of transformation into a life that is joy-filled and wonder-steeped. So, I am in. I bought a journal. I wrote Gift List on the inside cover and made a crazy little drawing of a gift in ribbon. I started my list and I take my journal everywhere. I am up to #35. Only 965 more to go. Here is a random selection of some of mine so far… #7 Feeling rest in my weary body #11 A few brief moments of conversation with my beloved nephew, Joe. #13 Coffee at Peet’s while sitting with Jesus. #18 My favorite purple pen. #20 My word Ponder I am practicing today. #25 My son, Joel’s, music wafting through our house as he plays guitar and sings. #31 Cheering for my son, Sam, at his baseball game as he gets three hits. #35 My office with pictures of my family and friends. #36 Attending the Festival of Faith and writing with my son, Zack. These are a sample. I am leaning fully into Eucharisteo. There is so very much in life that pushes us towards the darkness of negativity, cynicism, frustration, and anger. I want to be shaped increasingly by thanksgiving. By Eucharisteo. It has felt so good to chronicle God’s loving presence and presents throughout the day. Want to join me? Friendly competition. Who can get to a thousand first? We live with a community of our friends who I really believe are our teachers in this…ooh…#37 My Capernaum friends who teach me to be thankful. You better hurry and get started. I am thankful for you!....Hey that’s #38! Nick

Dining Table Conversation

One night I was transported to heaven. I was escorted by an angel named Priscilla. She told me the Father had decided to give me a special gift. I was escorted by Priscilla to a seat looking over a dining table.

Priscilla said, “Beloved it has been granted you to hear a conversation of the Blessed Trinity recorded before time; after time and in the eternal now. Listen and behold Beloved.”

I saw a warm room with pictures of millions of people on the walls. They were ever-changing like a digital photo frame. Then one picture stopped and began flashing. To my astonishment it was me.

The dining table of beautiful cherry wood stood in the foreground. Then the door to the room became Jesus and He walked to the table. Next in an instant the Holy Spirit appeared shimmering and blue changing shapes both feminine and masculine. Next out of the hearts of the Son and the Spirit came the Father. I was enveloped in the electricity of their love for one another.

A fountain of Living Water gushed up from the middle of the table and small beautiful flowers brilliant in color began sprouting. The Blessed Trinity created their own food and ate. I saw the Father’s dish of inexpressible creativity and love. Jesus began to eat a dish of the will of the Father. And the Holy Spirit ate a dish of glorification, fire, and wind. As they ate I listened in on the sacred conversation.

Father: We have a tragedy and the need for a rescue operation. The man and woman We formed were seduced by Lucifer. They have fallen and they will continue to fall over deeper. They are cut off.

Spirit: Yes, I feel their agony. (tears)

Father: I have a plan. It will come at an unthinkable price.

Jesus: Whatever it is Father, let me do it.

Father: Sin has a consequence and a punishment that is unspeakable. Death. They are now in death and will remain eternally dead and lost. I have provided them with the sacrifice of a lamb but it is a band aid.

Jesus: Father, if the Holy Spirit will clothe me in flesh I will become the Lamb of sacrifice. The perfect sacrifice.

Spirit: Yes, I will be that power. His source.

Father: My beloved son in whom I take great delight. You honor and bless me. My heart breaks at sending you and sacrificing you. You are my only beloved son.

Jesus: Father, I delight to do your will.

Spirit: I have searched the earth and I have found a young woman from Nazareth called Miriam. Her heart belongs to us. She is pure. She is like you Jesus. She longs to do our will. You will have family likeness to her.

Father: Then she shall be called. You will go to her Holy Spirit when the time is right.

Spirit: Yes, I will overshadow her and breathe Jesus into her womb.

Jesus: Let it be done Father and Spirit according to our word. I am the will of God - fulfiller.

Father: Spirit we shall guide Jesus to learn of his mission in his early years because he will know but he will not know.

Holy Spirit: Miriam will treasure the child and teach him our ways.

Father: In later years, in the fullness of time my beloved son, will come the time of sacrifice and spilling of your blood.

Jesus: Yes, Father, I will go for the joy set before us of adoption into our circle of love. We again will have a people. A family. I will be elder brother to millions of little sisters and brothers. I delight to do your will.

At that moment a cross arose in the fountain of Living Water turned to blood and they each held cups up to drink.

Jesus: With my blood our hearts will be pierced with sorrow that will turn to unspeakable joy.

Spirit: After sacrifice, beloved Jesus, I will raise you up by the Father’s will. All will see our glory that is greater than death. The city of God will descend from heaven.

Jesus: Though my heel be bruised I will crush Satan and destroy the works of the devil.

Then they took each other’s hand and merged into the Great I Am as one. I looked up and there was my picture flashing again but there was blood on the frame. A title flashed – I am my Beloved’s and He is mine. On the top frame it said purchased by the blood of the Lamb. My heart exploded with joy and then Priscilla touched my shoulder.

I looked into her eyes aglow with the love of the Blessed Trinity. It is time to leave, you are to go back and proclaim this glorious plan of the Blessed Trinity. You are to proclaim Jesus! Your reward in heaven will be great.

The next moment I was with my friend Big D in our club. We were talking about Jesus.

Christian Withness

In 1977 Bob Mitchell came to our region. During his visit we had the privilege of being taught the basics of Young Life. One of the things he said, that really stayed with me was, “what we are about in Young Life is not so much Christian witness as much as Christian withness.”

Then in 1995, while on an YL Capernaum Ministry study trip in Germany, I met a wonderful woman named Rosal Stiefel, who had been engaged in serving people with disabilities for 35 years. She talked to us about camping. She said, “We do not do camp to young people with disabilities. Instead we do camp with young people with disabilities.” She expounded on this idea saying, “Ministry with young people with disabilities is an experience of encountering Christ in each other.”

These two statements from two wonderful followers of Jesus, along with the majestic striking words of Jesus in Matthew 25, deeply influenced the early development of YL Capernaum Ministry.

Embedded in these words is: a theology of mutuality, a theology of reciprocity and a theology of incarnational encounters in one another. Those are not mere words or concepts. They are crucial to orientation and way of doing ministry along with our results.

The friends we engage with tend to be seen as tragedies to be pitied. They tend to be seen solely through the prism of ability; as those only who need to be offered help. When we engage our friends in this “ministry to” manner we truly disable our friends. We do not recognize the image of God in them with their corresponding spiritual gifts, talents, and abilities. They are stifled and unable to grow.

This is why we hold to our core value of “ministry with kids who happen to have disabilities.” This is a condescending approach in the best sense of the word which means “come down to be with”. When we take to our knee to be eye level we are condescending, recognizing our friend has something to offer us as do we for them.

We come recognizing we will encounter Jesus in our friends who were born this way to show the glory of God as Jesus stated in John 9:3. This orientation allows us to receive as well as give but it also allows our friends to give as well as receive.
The result is empowerment and an ever-expanding sense of who they are in Christ and what they can do. We become a holy beloved community in Jesus. We begin to experience Galatians 3:28 – There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female (and I will add – neither disabled nor able-bodied) for you (we) are all one in Christ Jesus.

About three years ago I was suffering and I mean truly suffering with undiagnosed sleep apnea. Every day was overwhelming as it gets to function. One day I was getting ready for club and pouring my heart out to the world. God I can’t go on. How am I going to do club? I found myself begging God to take me home. I had sleep apnea for 5 years at that point.

So, I went to club. At the end of club I was feeding one of my friends named Stashu who needs total care. I was lost in my exhaustion. As I lifted a cookie to his mouth I stopped in wonder. I saw the most beautiful sparkle in Stashu’s eyes with a slight smile.

I could hear Stashu silently talking in the voice of Jesus, “Nick I understand daily wearing of a body that won’t function well. I understand what it is like to feel no one understands. I understand what it takes to get through each day. But I also understand the life I have is a gift to be lived in mystery, even joy, rather than a problem to be solved.”

I placed the cookie in Stashu’s mouth and smiled back at him and said, “Thanks Stashu.” Christ in him had given me hope and faith to go in spite of how badly I felt physically.

This is “withness.” This is ministry with kids. This is how we do Capernaum and God is glorified.

Praying for you as you are receiving and offering Christ with kids,
Nick

Generosity

Give and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. ~Luke 6:38 NIV

Give away your life; you’ll find life given back with bonus and blessings. Giving, not getting is the way. Generosity begets generosity. ~Luke 6:38 Message Bible

Generosity! This core value describes our approach to each other and kids. There are two ways of living out ministry: scarcity thinking or abundance thinking.

Scarcity thinking operates on a belief there is not enough to go around. Not enough leaders. Not enough money. Not enough time. The result is feeling threatened. An orientation of fear, clutching, and protection is formed. It becomes my donors. My leaders. My kids. Things become territorial and when our territory is crossed it is met with anger and posturing.

The second possibility of living out ministry is abundance thinking. Abundance thinking is based on trusting a God who owns and rules the entire universe. It is based on Philippians 4:19, “My God shall supply all your need according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” Abundance thinking believes that all we have is God’s: our donors, leaders, and kids. It believes that there is more than enough to go around.

Fear is replaced by confident trust. Closed hands are opened. Protection is replaced by hospitality. Instead of an orientation of “what I have is mine” there exists a “what I have is yours” mentality. It’s like Ruth with Naomi, “your people are my people. Your God is my God”.

The result is a growing fruit of generosity in our lives and in our ministry. We freely give away what we’ve received without fear. We are confident God will provide.
We see this in the miracle of the feeding of the 5000. The little boy gave up what little he had and Jesus multiplied it with leftovers for the disciples. We cannot out give God!

I have experienced this from the very beginning of my Young Life staff career and in the beginnings of YL Capernaum. I experienced it powerfully with the most generous person I have ever known. My friend Steve Chung.

Steve leads a generous life. He seeks to serve, help, and share his resources. We were in deficit for five years. Steve constantly helped in practical ways. He was there to host a banquet table and sponsor a table. He would bring his club kids to events to volunteer.

Steve was an Area Director just like me and every bit as busy as me. And he lived 60 miles away in San Francisco. Yet, he was intentional with generosity. His generosity influenced me dramatically. When we got out of years of deficit and started received vans, our Lighthouse, and more donors, I made a pledge to God to let all of this be at the service of others. We were going to live our ministry generously to bless others.

When I became National Director it was the result of even more generosity bestowed on Capernaum. I carried Steve’s example into this new phase of my career. Pam and I share this value to get as much money out into the field as possible. I believe this is something God honors. Not as a manipulative formula but a condition of the heart.
As we are generous, I believe God will continue to provide for us. As soon as we seek to possess His resources we will run dry.

Take stock of your ministry. Who has been generous to you? Who is God leading you to in order to display his generosity?

A generous life is a provided for life...
A provided for life calls for a generous life.

In awe of how generous God has been to Capernaum,
Nick

Young Life Capernaum Core Values

Over the next few weeks I want to reflect with you on what we believe to be our core values. What is our identity? What makes us who we are? What compels us to act and to act in the manner in which we do ministry?
These are not values we just pulled out of air. They are values God has written in our history. They are repeated patterns showing up over the course of 26 years in Capernaum. My prayer is that these reflections will focus and guide us along with celebration of God’s work as we ponder these core vales. So get a cup of coffee and
sit down and reflect with me.

The first and most important value is Jesus. We call this value prayer but this is inseparable from Jesus. Jesus is our start and finish and we are connected to him through prayer. It is Jesus who initiates all prayer. We merely respond by feeding his heart back to him. It is very much like a mother or a father saying words to their child and the child repeating the words back to his mother or father in learning language. In this same way we learn prayer.

When I look over the past 26 years of Capernaum it is literally covered in prayer…
Lord, how do I relate to these kids? Help me.
Lord, should we begin a club with these kids?
Lord, give us favor with the special education principal.
Lord, we need a van.
Lord, we need a place for club.
Lord, would you give me leaders? I have so few.
Lord, give us kids.
Lord, give us campaigners and buddies.
Lord, we need money.
Lord, we need a committee.
Lord, how do we do camp? Help us.
Lord, we need another van.
Lord, would you bring Capernaum into existence all over the world?
Lord, would you give us a house?
Lord, would you give us a club room?
Lord, please give us a million dollars.
Lord, please let Capernaum begin in the east.
Lord, please give us a small picture in the Young Life calendar.
Lord, please let Capernaum begin in Hawaii.
Lord, let Capernaum spread internationally.
Lord, give us a Capernaum week of camp.
Lord, use us to impact the church.

And there are hundreds more. The point is that prayer is who we are. Jesus initiates prayer. Prayer received ends up in dreams and visions. We pray those back to our Heavenly Father. He answers in Jesus’ name by the work of the Holy Spirit. Dreams and visions become concrete realities.

How much of your day is given to prayer? How much of your staff meeting is devoted to prayer? How much of our time with friends is spent in prayer? How sore are our knees?
We are to assume the posture of Mary of Bethany at Jesus’ feet before we assume the posture of Martha in the kitchen.

Praying for and with you,
Nick

One Word People

I was having breakfast with my dear friend Don Goehner just before Christmas. He shared something with me that he planned to do for 2012. He prayerfully selected a word to be his focus for 2012. He selected the word “possibilities” with the attached verse of Luke 1:37 – For nothing is impossible with God. He told me that he would look for possibilities every day from God.

I loved this idea and became enthusiastic about it for myself. I chose the word “ponder”. It is from Luke 2:19 – But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. Mary is my favorite person in Scripture. I have always loved her responses to what God had done in her life. She turned them over in her heart deeply and in wonder. She didn’t quickly move on to the next thing. She went slowly allowing herself to soak in the wonders of God. That is what I want to be like and it is my focus every day for 2012.

This excited me so much that I began sharing it with others. Here is my list of family and friends and their words so far:

Susie ~ Listen
Joel ~ Patience
Sam ~ Think
Don ~ Possibilities
Pam ~ Celebrate
Amira ~ Present
Lydia ~ Breakthrough
Suzanne ~ Intentional
Lyn ~ Risk
John P. ~ Dream/Imagine
Shelley ~ Solitude
Otila ~ Gratitude
Katie ~ Compassion
Nancy ~ Thankful
Jen ~ Joy
Kristie ~ Trustworthy
John B. ~ Change

I am praying my loved ones’ word for them every day. I have enjoyed it so much and I believe that God is transforming us with the words he has given us.

What about you? Is there a word the Lord has for you this year? If so send me your word and scripture and I will pray it for you every day in 2012!

Join the One Word People.
Pondering,
Nick

The Magi Journal

My name is Melchior and I am a scholar. I work with two best friends at U.O.P. – University of Persia. We direct the departments of astronomy and philosophy. We are truth seekers. We seek truth and his sister wisdom whenever they might reveal themselves. We’ve spent years in a search for truth from amongst a sea of lies. I want to share my journal with you on the night we found not only truth and wisdom, but love and majestic power in fragile weakness, in a baby.

December 7, 6 B.C.
Did not sleep last night. I believe we have found our answer after all these years. I had wondered if it was even possible to find truth. But last night when my colleagues, Gaspar and Balthazar, and I spotted the alignment of a star with Jupiter and Venus we knew something unique and wonderful had taken place. I won’t bore you with our precise and detailed calculations, other than to say their sum pointed to a new king in Israel. Not just another king but one who would rule this world with trust, wisdom, justice, mercy, and love. There was no choice but to pack up and travel to Israel.

December 9, 6 B.C.
What will this journey bring? Will we recognize this king? Will he accept us? We must bring gifts that demonstrate our whole-hearted search for truth. We decided we would each pick a costly gift to bring to this king. Tomorrow at dawn we leave.

December 10, 6 B.C. 5 am
We packed. Gaspar took 3 camels. He always over packs but he always has more treats and delicacies, which we are grateful for. So I won’t criticize him. A beautiful sunrise began to appear. Balthazar commented this is a sign on our journey – a son of righteousness will rise up on the earth to bathe it in healing light. Balthazar was the mystical one of the three of us. I have learned that logic and rationality are not the only ways to truth. Balthazar has taught us that imagination, attentiveness, and reflection will bring us at truth’s doorstep also.

February 15, 5 B.C. Evening
Exhausted. We still have weeks to go. I reminded my friends that our journey to the home of this king will demand faithfulness and perseverance. It will demand all of our energies and effort to reach our destination. It demands the committing of our very lives. Gaspar wondered if it would be worth it. Balthazar chimed in saying that when we meet the son of righteousness, nothing else but He shall be worth it. We laid down our weary heads confident we are on the right road. All I had to do was look in the heavens to see the star of magnificence guiding us.

May 24, 5 B.C Afternoon Jerusalem
There are incidents in every journey you’d rather forget. Meeting Herod in Jerusalem was the one that troubled us most. We felt it important to pay our respects to Israel’s king before we sought the newborn king.\

Herod was very gracious; even friendly. But there was something about him that disturbed us. He questioned us and we could not help but feel he had ulterior motives. Charming on the outside, but there was a stench that he could not hide. All of us were quite discerning and we knew something was not right. He was evil wearing clothing of righteousness.

We left him after he implored us to return once we found this new king so he could worship him with us. I almost laughed because I think the only thing Herod had ever worshipped was himself. He is only the king of narcissism.

May 25, 5 B.C. Bethlehem
As dusk came, we began our travels following the star. Balthazar said it was a great light heading us to the Light of the World. As we came to the outskirts of Bethlehem the star came to a halt over a very modest house.

The rays of the great star shone on a young woman gathering her toddler to go inside. Our approach startled her and the little one instinctively ran to his Imma finding security in her skirts. She was beautiful even with a very hesitant, protective look on her face. She had her hands around the young one’s face and shoulders. She looks like a mother lioness ready to protect her cub.

I admit we looked a bit intimidating. You know our big caravan and all. As we stopped a young man approached us. “My name is Joseph. What can I do for you?” He was kind, and strength emanated from him.

I smiled warmly back and replied, “My name is Melchior. This is Gaspar and Balthazar. This may sound strange to you but we have been led here by a star. We have come to worship the newborn King!”

Silence. The young woman smiled at us warmly. She said, “No, it is not strange. My name is Mary. Let me tell you about my child, my story and the wonders of God. We listened as we sat around the fire hearing the miraculous story of this simple young woman. And with everything she told us we were increasingly sure of our journey. As she talked, the child played throwing sticks on the fire and laughing while running back and forth from his father. Mary smiled and took him onto her lap and kissed him twice. She looked at us knowingly and quietly. The depths I felt from this young woman were extraordinary. I felt she was like us; one who ponders deeply. Her words are not frivolous. They come from a deep well of attentiveness and meditation. She reminded me a lot of Balthazar.

Then she spoke as she held the child with piercing eyes. He is the Prince of Peace. She kissed him. Wonderful Counselor. Kiss again. Everlasting Father. Kiss. And Almighty God. One more kiss. “These are the words of our prophet. But to me he is Yeshua. My child. My little prince,” she held him tightly, to Yeshua’s delight.

We sat in silence. Gaspar arose and went to our caravan. We followed him. We unpacked our gifts and lined up to present them. These gifts made more sense now that we listened to the young woman’s story.

I came and bended my knee to place gold before the child. I looked into Mary’s beautiful eyes and said, “It’s a gift befitting for the King of Kings”.

Gaspar knelt next to me and laid down a jar of frankincense. Looking at me and back to Mary he said, “For the High Priest of all nations who will bring people’s prayers to God”.

And then Balthazar knelt beside us. He very hesitantly, with a tear in his eyes, said, “This is a gift of myrrh for this child will make a supreme sacrifice for the world, which will be your costly sacrifice as well”. Tears began to flow from Mary’s eyes.

The rest of the evening we played with this delightful child. We slept near the house. I was caught up in overwhelming joy. We found truth and so much more. Such majestic power displaced in such fragility. We left the next morning to warm embraces from Joseph, Mary, and the affectionate child.

As we left I said to my colleagues, “Truth”. Gaspar said, “Wisdom”. Balthazar was silent for the next hour and then quietly said, “Emmanuel, God with us! The defeat of death!”

Herod's Journal

April 6, B.C.
Another one! Another one plotting against me. Look at what I’ve done for my people! And what is my thanks? My own family conspiring against me. I regrettably have had to have my three children and wife executed. I had to do this. My own family wants to take my throne. I have to be vigilant. Everyone is out to get me even after all I have done for Israel. I am appointed by God and confirmed by Caesar. The people need me and my throne, a throne that I deserve.

I thought the threats to my position were over. That is until three scholars from the East came and sat with me at dinner. They inquired of me as to the location of the newborn King of the Jews. I was shocked at their disrespect to my throne. I wanted them executed at that very moment. But I didn’t get where I am without discernment and wisdom. I knew these three could lead me to this latest threat. I must have this little one and his family killed. There will be no competition for my throne.

After dinner I gave them lodging. I immediately convened a meeting of the priests and scholars. I wanted to know where this Messiah was supposed to be born...

He cannot possibly be the Messiah! I am God’s appointed King. For the sake of Israel, I must ruthlessly defend my throne, Caesar, and God from any rebellion. I was told the Messiah would come from Bethlehem to rule and shepherd Israel. That may be the truth but that Messiah would have to come from my line. It cannot be this toddler imposter. I must find him.

Next Day
I gathered the three scholars for breakfast. I told them I had prayed and studied, and it confirmed by my priests and scholars that the child king would be born in Bethlehem.

They rejoiced and embraced each other. I smiled warmly back.

So now my new friends make haste to Bethlehem to find this child. Search diligently and carefully. Come back to me so I may accompany you to worship him.

They bowed to me and mounted their camels. I watched from my wall as they headed in the direction of Bethlehem.

I then called my soldiers and put them on alert. We must crush this rebellion to my throne. These Gentiles are proof of the false Messiah; Gentiles in search of a Messiah. Could anything be more ludicrous? God needs a strong man, not a baby worshipped by pagans. I am that man, this is my throne, and these are my people…the end.

A Prayer Against the "Herod" in Us...
Jesus you are King. You and you alone are worthy of the throne. You are King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

Forgive us, Jesus, when we behave like Herod. Forgive us for believing our own press. Forgive us for trying to be "messiahs" when we are only servants. Forgive us for taking our titles seriously apart from you. Remind us, Jesus, you are Area Director, Regional Director, Committee Chair & National Director.

We have power and positions ordained by you as a gift. Like the Magi, powerful in wisdom and wealth, we bring all we are and all we have to you. We bow down to the One whose weakness is greater than our greatest strength. Jesus, we confess our Herod-like tendencies and gladly give the throne of our lives to you. In your Kingly name Jesus! Amen!

The Inn Keeper's Wife

My name is Sarah. My husband is the inn keeper of this two-bit tavern in Bethlehem, though I do most of the work. Life has been a disappointment for me and I have been my husband’s disappointment.

I had two miscarriages and then finally a little girl. When my husband saw that it was a girl he frowned. He wanted a boy, and I cried. I guess I’ve become hardened. Life did not turn out as I expected. My husband buries his disappointment in his work; in this tavern. We are Jews but Yahweh has disappointed us so we just go through the motions.

As a woman, I wonder if a time will ever come that the arrival of a baby girl will be cause for as much joy as a baby boy. Will there ever be a man who sees a woman as an equal act of God and treat her as such? I have had to stuff down so much of my talents, thoughts, and opinions. There is a lot more I could do but I don’t think I’ll get the chance.

That all changed one cold night in Bethlehem when a young couple came to us seeking shelter at our packed Inn. My husband talked to them first and I came up behind him as he was shutting the door saying, “There is no room here.” I didn’t think much until I looked at the young woman in the beginning throes of childbirth. This was the night that changed my life. Let me tell you about it in my journal.

Thursday, April 13, 5 B.C.
Early evening, Bethlehem
Early yesterday evening a young couple arrived at our tavern seeking shelter. My “business as usual” husband was about to shut the door on them when I got a glimpse of the beautiful young woman in great discomfort. She was in labor. I think she was a painful reminder to my husband of having only one child, and not a son.

I blocked the door from being shut and stepped into the doorway in front of my husband, to his great annoyance. I looked at the young couple. Both had eyes filled with desperation and hope for a kind act. I felt a surge in my heart. I must help this couple. It was an overwhelming desire. More like a calling. I walked outside and took the young woman by the arm, along with her husband, shielding her from the crowds and staring eyes.

The handsome young husband politely and quietly told me, “This is my fiancée, Mary. I am Joseph.” Fiancée! And she was giving birth. I felt even more protective. Mary would be judged. I felt a mother’s protection for the young couple who were young enough to be my own children.

I didn’t know what I was going to do until I saw this donkey walking up the path with what I could swear was a silly grin. I almost thought he was going to talk to us.

Joseph in a lighthearted moment looked at me and chuckled, “That’s my donkey Good News. I count on him to bring me that very thing.”
I looked at the goofy donkey and an idea arose in my mind. I looked back at Joseph and said that I thought I had good news for him. It was not great news but at least better than the bad news he had gotten at our tavern. Follow me, I told them. We both led Mary down the path. The donkey turned around and followed us.

We arrived at the cave where we kept some of our livestock. I said it’s not much but it will have privacy and some warmth. Joseph quickly responded to my hesitating offer by saying, “Sarah, don’t worry. This is perfect.”

He thanked me repeatedly as we sat Mary down to make her comfortable. “I will be back in a minute with some blankets,” I offered. Mary groaned. I hurried back to the tavern and returned with the blankets from our bed. My husband and I will have to rely on each other for warmth tonight.

It wasn’t long before her time arrived. Joseph blurted out the strangest thing to me. He said, “Sarah, this child is special.” I smiled saying, “I know young man.”

He continued, “No, no Sarah. Special. This child is the child of Isaiah 7:14. This is the one we’ve heard about all of our lives from the prophets. He is the Son of the Most High.”

I stared in disbelief that turned to wonder as I looked into the face of Mary. She was in pain but smiled with tears, nodding her head. She said, “Sarah, believe. You will be blessed. Yes Sarah, you will be blessed as will all who make room for Him as you have.” Mary’s words were broken off by a contraction and a loud scream. Panic was on Joseph’s face. I took over. I am not a midwife but I knew what to do.

Joseph held Mary as the child began his descent from Mary’s womb. Later I would more accurately describe it as His descent from heaven. He slid into my arms as Mary fell back in exhaustion and yet she laughed through her sweat and tears; as did Joseph. I looked in wonder. The strangest thought came to me as I looked in His face for a brief second before I placed Him in the arms of his mother. I think this is the child who will become a man and bring dignity, honor, and respect to all women, to me. It was there that I determined I would follow the progress of this child and one day become His follower. If He would have me.

Mary, with joy, took her child. I quickly cleared out the manger and placed fresh straw in it and one of the blankets. Mary picked up the blanket and swaddled him. It was then I noticed the brightness of light outside.

I stepped out and beheld the brightest star I have ever seen. And then I heard something like thunder. I listened. The thunder continued. It was voices. A thousand voices singing the most beautiful song I have ever heard. “Glory! God! Highest!” These were the three words I could make out.

I turned back and entered to ask Mary and Joseph if they could hear it. But I couldn’t talk. I could only gaze at Mary as she took her baby to her breast and began to nurse him. Mary smiled at me and said, “His name is Yeshua. He is the Star Maker.” Joseph added that he has come to be with us; to bring Yahweh’s forgiveness of our sins. Mary added, “I am blessed among women, Sarah. But you are not far behind because God chose you to make room for him.”

I began to weep. I turned away. I prayed as I knelt for the first time in over 20 years. I heard footsteps and I looked up to see a motley band of shepherds out of breath and anxious. “We are looking for a newborn. He is…,” “the Son of the Most High,” I interrupted.

Yes, yes they anxiously responded. I dried my tears and said, “Come with me. I will take you to him.”

A Donkey's Journal

Hi there. I am Joseph’s donkey. I want to share the most amazing story of my life. I’ve been with Joseph from the time he was a boy. He later named me Good News when he opened his carpentry store.

Joseph always talks to me but he doesn’t know I actually understand. People don’t think that animals can talk so we only talk amongst ourselves; although I have been known to give an obnoxious person or two a rise by blurting something out in the human language. My speaking always stops their speaking.

Anyway, I am getting off the point. Joseph named me Good News because he felt I always brought good news to him when we would journey together to sell his handiwork. I like the name a lot. Well I want to share my journal with you from back in 5…B.C. that is. It was early April…

April 6, 5 B.C.
Joseph was especially talkative this morning. He told me we were taking a trip to Bethlehem and that I would be carrying his beautiful fiancée Mary, whom I loved. She was quiet, reflective, and kind. I worried though when Joseph mentioned that she was close to giving birth. I knew I would have to make this as smooth a ride as possible. Joseph said something in a hushed tone that I did not understand. He came close to my ear and said, “Our lives and I think the world is about to change. Yahweh has sent the Bright Morning Star to my Mary.” He said it trembling with an anxious but joyful tone. He then said, “And you my friend will be part of this.” Like Mary I pondered this.

April 9, 5 B.C.
Our departure day arrived. Early in the morning we set out. Joseph helped Mary, large with child, on my back. I tried to bend down a little to make it easier for her but she still groaned in discomfort. We set out. I made my steps as smooth and rhythmic as possible for lovely expectant Mary. This journey would be especially difficult for a woman in Mary’s condition. Yet much of that day she sang hymns to my Maker and hers. One went like this…
I am blessed among woman
With your fruit in my womb
Come child I will nourish
The world will be your room
It sounded so sweet in Mary’s voice. I began to realize there was something special about this child. But what? “Your fruit in my womb,” she was singing this to our Maker. Who is this child?

April 10, 5 B.C.
We traveled all day and all of us are exhausted; Mary much more so than Joseph and me. She doesn’t look so good. I wish there was more that I could do. Joseph built a fire and roasted some fish. I don’t like fish but there was a delectable clump of grass and shrubs nearby. As I grazed I overheard the young humble couple.

Joseph: Are you alright Mary?
Mary: Uncomfortable love but Yahweh is my strength.
Joseph: Mary, I know He chose you but why me? What will I do?
Mary: My beloved, he will need a father. Guidance. A warm home. Love. Discipline. To be taught. Though he is the Son of God he will be our son to love, cherish, and nurture.
Joseph: You are right. How blessed we are amongst all the couples on earth. He chose us. He loves us. He has entrusted us with His son. Great is our God.
Mary: And I think, Joseph, many after us will be entrusted with him to love as we do. Do you wonder about his future? His purpose?
Joseph: His name is Yeshua. Yahweh has made a way for the forgiveness of sins. Some better way than the killing of a lamb.
Mary: He will be our lamb but we shall have to share him with all the world.
Joseph: Yes. The Lamb of God –
Mary: Who takes away the sins of the world.
They looked at each other as lovers do. They kissed. But it was more than just lovers. They had the determined look of those on a special mission.

April 11, 5 B.C.
Can’t sleep. Can’t stop thinking about what Mary and Joseph said and then my thoughts were interrupted by a growing soft but steady light. The light formed into the presence of a man. He spoke to me. “Good News, I am Gabriel sent from God. I am the angel sent to Mary, Joseph, and Zechariah. And now to you.”

“You have been chosen by God to carry His son to the place the prophets foretold concerning His birth. Bethlehem. The House of Bread! And the Bread of Life that feeds the salvation starved world will be born there. Good News! You are carrying the Good News of God to the entire world. To all of creation. Mary carries your Maker who will redeem even nature and all its creatures.”

I knelt in wonder. Then he left. Redemption for the entire world. God has remembered the day He created all the world and said it was good. This baby will make it good once more.

April 12, 5 B.C.
We’ve arrived in Bethlehem. Finally. It is so cold. Looking at Mary we arrived just in time. She has been moaning for hours now. Joseph has constantly prayed through her moaning. I did everything I could to make my steps soft and light. I can’t stop thinking I am carrying the woman who carries the Son of the Maker. My work has been given great honor. I think this child will bring dignity to all who work and serve. Joseph took Mary from my back. He was in a panic asking person after person where there was room to stay. Bethlehem was packed because of the census.

I watched as Joseph appealed to the last possibility of a place to stay. I heard the discouraging words of the Inn Keeper and saw Joseph’s dejected face. Then I had a crazy idea.

I know in a place like this there are a lot of other fellow animals. They have to stay someplace. So I headed down the nearest path to the tavern Joseph was at. Bingo! I could see a small cave about 100 yards from the tavern and I saw another donkey in front tied up. So, I sauntered down to him and told him my whole story.

This donkey’s name was Searcher. And looking at him I knew why. He had only three legs. He told me that he’s wondered all his life why the Maker made him this way. When I told him who this arriving child was he excitedly declared, “Maybe this child is the answer I have been searching for! Do you think we could have him stay here with the rest of us?” I simply smiled my big donkey smile and said, “Hee Haw! That’s exactly what I had in mind.” I headed back to Joseph and met him on the way up as he was carrying Mary toward me accompanied by a pleasant looking, middle-aged woman. I recognized her. Just as I had left she came to the door as the Inn Keeper and Joseph were talking. I think she is the Inn Keeper’s wife. It is possible she has my same idea. “Maker, please make a way for this child, Mary, and Joseph, “ I prayed under my breath.

Next week: The Inn Keeper’s wife’s journal…

Joseph's Diary

June 17, 6 B.C.
Hallelujah! Glory to Yahweh! I have been given a wife, a woman of unsurpassed beauty. Her name is Mary. We were engaged yesterday afternoon. Last night I dreamt of our first meeting. I saw her struggling at the well.

“Let me help you with that,” I offered. She looked up from her jar and into my eyes and I was overcome.

Here eyes were dark as olives. Her skin was like silk, beautifully brown. I felt the silk as our hands brushed against the jar. Her lips were full with the color of a dark rose. I was captured by her beauty.

But as we went to rest under a sycamore tree, I was captured by her gentle reflective spirit. She was a woman who ran deep; as deep as the well she drew water from.

It was that day that I fell in love with this deep, beautiful, young woman who loved Yahweh like no one I had ever known. The next day I told my parents, “Yahweh has given me the woman I will marry”.

July 13, 6 B.C.
Confusion. Mary has left suddenly for her cousin Elizabeth’s home. She seemed distracted, so unusual for Mary. She left in such haste and was vague as to the reasons why. A quick kiss on my cheek and she turned and hopped onto the caravan. We waved to each other. She had the strangest look on her face. Wonder? Perplexed? Joy? Troubled? I think all of the above.

“Go with her Yahweh,” I whispered under my breath. I felt something slide down my cheek, an uninvited tear.

October 17, 6 B.C.
I looked up from my workbench to see what all the commotion was about. Then I fairly screamed for joy as I ran to the coming caravan. It was my Mary. The caravan stopped. She slid into my arms with a half smile to meet my unrestrained one. “Dear Mary. What is it?”

Joseph we have to talk. She led me to our tree. The one we had carved our names into.
“Joseph… (tears)…Joseph”…”Mary, what? You can tell”…

My hand brushed her swollen abdomen. Silence between us. The type of silence from the heart that turns inward on itself.

“Joseph, it’s not what you think.”

“And what do I think Mary? What can I think but that you could not find completeness in me? You’ve betrayed me but you’ve shamed Yahweh. Mary, Mary how could you?”

“Joseph, I understand how upset you are but please let me explain.”

She was frantic to explain to me, as her heavy tears pounded the dirt beneath us at the foot of our tree.

“Joseph, you must believe me. I have not been with any man. I would never betrayed you but most of all I would never shame Yahweh as you suggest.”

She cupped my face in her silk, brown hands. As always when she looked in my eyes I was overcome. I knew I had to listen to the Mary I thought I knew.

“Joseph this is the doing of Yahweh. An angel visited me. I am not making this up. He told me that God has chosen me to bear the Messiah. This pregnancy…my pregnancy is by the Holy Spirit. I don’t understand this Joseph but I gave myself to Yahweh in obedience. Joseph! This baby will need a father.”

I pulled back from her in sadness and disbelief. What had happened to my Mary? Was she ill?

“Mary, though I could have you stoned I will not. I could never do that to you. The woman I love. But there is no way I can be part of this with you. I cannot take on your shame. I will divorce you quietly and secretively. Your life will be spared and I will move. I loved you Mary. I still do. Yahweh be with you and have mercy on you.” I turned my back and walked away, listening to her sobbing. I wept as well.

October 18, 6 B.C.
I bolted from sleep covered in a cold sweat. I quickly wrapped myself in my clothing. I had to get to Mary immediately.

I ran the few hundred yards to her home. Our sleepy little village had not stirred as of yet. The morning sun was peeking above the hills like it was announcing the coming of a different type of light about to enter the world. And I knew the name of that Light.

I came to Mary’s window and pulled the curtain aside. I heard quiet sobbing from the left corner of the room. There sat Mary, on her mat, face in her hands.

“Mary,” I whispered as loud as I dared. I startled her. She looked up in panic. “Mary, it’s me Joseph.”

She looked around and arose, gingerly tip-toeing across the room to the front door. I could tell she was confused and a bit fearful. I took her hands in mine after I embraced her. Don’t be afraid, Mary.

She pulled back and said, “Joseph, you are sweating. Are you ill?” I smiled back at her and said, “Mary, you will make a wonderful mother. Come with me beloved.” I then walked her to our tree and told her of my visitation.

“Mary, the angel that came to you also came to me last night.” He said, “Joseph, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife. She is pregnant by the Holy Spirit.”

Mary looked into my eyes with her mouth open. Then her mouth formed the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. It was a smile of Light like the morning sunrise. I saw the Light in her eyes and I felt the Light in her womb as we embraced.

She repeatedly kissed me saying, “My dear, sweet Joseph. We will make it through this. We are in Yahweh’s will though it will mean suffering. But we will make it through this by his mercies.” Her tears again watered our tree. Through my beloved Mary would the Tree of Life come back to us all.

Next: A donkey’s journal…

Mary's Diary

July 7
Yesterday something happened that I can’t explain. I don’t understand it myself so how can I tell anyone – most of all Joseph and my parents. How will they believe? I can barely believe it myself.

I went to sleep troubled. Thinking. Praying about my experience with the angel that visited me under the fig tree. I was startled by a touch on my shoulder and a heavenly voice sweetly uttering my name. “Mary,” said the angel. It was Gabriel himself. He read my mind because he told me not to be afraid.

I’ve prayed since I was a little girl that Yahweh would use me to bless and glorify Him, it’s all I wanted in life. I told Yahweh this many times.

The angel’s words seemed to answer my heart’s cry beyond what words could express. I will have a baby. He said the baby will come as the Holy Spirit overshadows on and conceives in me. He will be called the Son of God and His name will be Jesus. I was speechless. I was overcome by the magnitude of his message, yet I remembered the scripture from the prophet, “The Lord Himself will give you a sign: the virgin will be pregnant. She will have a son and she will name him Immanuel.” How often in wonder and perplexity have I pondered those words of the Lord and how in this instant I know and understand these words! These holy words are about me! Me! Thirteen and a half year old Mary. Me! I fell on my face before the angel and said aloud, “I am the handmaid of the Lord. Let this happen to me as you say.”

When I awoke I wondered if I had dreamed. But then I knew, in my womb I felt conception take place. The Holy Spirit visited me. I can’t explain it but I knew. I smiled. Tears began to stream down my brown cheeks. Holy tears of joy even though I had no idea how to break this news to others. The angel didn’t give me instructions on this.

Oh Abba, what do I do? That’s when my cousin Elizabeth’s name arose in my thoughts. Yes, I must visit cousin Elizabeth to see if what the angel said about her is true. Could it really be that my aged cousin is pregnant long past the years of childbearing? If so I will know that I am not imagining this. Elizabeth has been more like a mother to me than a cousin. She is wise with Yahweh’s wisdom. Yes, I will go. I will make some excuse to my parents and go to my cousin, my Imma.

I repeated the words to Yahweh that I said to the angel. I bowed low and softly said, “I am your handmaid, Yahweh. Let it be done to me as you say. I will obey as the virgin girl of the prophet’s words.”

July 12 – October 8
The caravan stopped a few hundred feet from Elizabeth and Zechariah’s home. Because of her age and all she has taught me I always called cousin Elizabeth Imma or Mommy. She liked it because she, in great sorrow, had no children. I was like a daughter to her, and she like a mother. She cherished me and I adored her.

Excitement and joy began to well up in me as I quickened my pace to her house. I saw her in the garden where she spent so much of her time. She was facing me but her head was down concentrated on her plants.

“Imma! Imma!” I excitedly called out. She stood suddenly clutching her large abdomen.

It is true I thought to myself in wonder. Elizabeth is with child. There was a holy silence between us when Elizabeth burst out, ”Mary! Daughter! When I heard your greeting the child in me leapt in my womb.”

“Mary, the Lord has been speaking to me about you but I didn’t know why. But, oh child, now I know. You are pregnant with the Most High. For months I have been meditating on the words of the prophet.

I completed the sentence, “A virgin girl will be pregnant. She will have a son and name him Emmanuel.”

Tears streamed down our faces and then Imma took me into her arms and said, “Blessed, blessed are you my lovely daughter because you took the Lord at His word. You believed in simple faith that He chose you to bear His son.”

“Why me Imma,” I asked. She replied, “Daughter look at me! Why me?”
And we laughed until we cried. It was then that I knew somehow it would be alright. I am in His hands. The handmaid of the Lord.

That night as I slept next to Imma I softly prayed in wonder and worship, ”Blessed by Your name, Yahweh. You, rich in mercy, answered my prayer of many years since I was a little girl. All I’ve ever wanted is to be Yours. All I’ve ever wanted is to know You and please. You’ve answered my prayers. I am blessed among all women.”

“Yahweh, I will care for this child, our child! I will care for Him and protect Him with all that is within me. Please teach me how to teach Him and what to teach Him until the day when I know He will teach me.

“Forgive me, Yahweh. I am worried about Joseph. About my parents….” That is when I heard His quiet voice, “Do not be afraid, Mary! The Lord is not only with you, He is in you; in your womb.”

Yes, Abba. I am the handmaid of the Lord.

J.P.T.

“Be joyful always; pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” ~ I Thessalonians 5:16-18

I’ve always thought this is a verse that I would want to have with me if I was stranded alone on a deserted island.

Let’s see. What’s my agenda today?
o Be joyful all day
o Pray nonstop
o Give thanks while being on a deserted island (or whatever your trying circumstance might be.
o Know that I am in Christ

At the end of the day, before I fall asleep under my palm strands and after a mango night cap, I am content knowing I’ve done God’s will.

But, who needs an island. Let’s try it now. Want to join me for 30 days? For 30 days carry this verse and recite it once every hour and obey its directive. Share the verse with all your friends and family. Memorize it! Share it. Teach it. Live it.

To make it easy let’s start on Thanksgiving. After 30 days I wonder what I will be like. I hope to be living out a daily Thanksgiving holiday. I am trusting God to evict my whining and complaining. I want to increasingly find out that the joy of the Lord is our strength as Nehemiah tells us in chapter 10, verse 8 of his book.

Paul wrote this to Christians who had tough, stressful challenges like you and me. Not Christians with nothing else to do on a deserted island. He wrote it to encourage them to make Christ their focus rather than their problems.

So, if you are game, drop me an email and tell me you are on for the “J.P.T.” challenge of Joy, Prayer, and Thanks. I am going to practice right now.

With joy over you,
Prayer for you,
Thankfulness for you!
Nick

Jesus’ Use of Technology

He knew it before Steve Jobs did. He created it before him. These are just some of Jesus’ key innovative ideas that you see daily on your keyboard.

Save
We have to start here, after all He is our Savior, giving us eternal life. But we can press that key at any time for any situation. Then as quickly as you can press it, like a mother comes running to her baby’s cry, He comes running to us. He saves us again and again in the sticky situations of our lives.

Delete
Ah, yes, one of my favorite keys that Jesus uses in my life. Negative attitude…oh, God, forgive me for that attitude. Then I hear the delete key pressed as my sin is deleted in an instant through the unending mercy of the cross.

Forward
Sometimes, actually a lot of times, God sends something so encouraging our way. But He always wants us to receive our gifts and forward them to those in need of our encouragement. Use this key often.

Backspace
Moving a little too fast. Making mistakes. It’s not fatal. Jesus’ backspace key is the redemption key. Whenever we blow it, He backspaces making all things work together for good to those that love God; to those called according to his purpose.

Send/Receive
This is Jesus’ rhythm key of our Christian lives. Sort of like inhale/exhale. We need to send out to others. To give of ourselves but we also need to receive from God through others. Keep your sending and receiving in balance.

Junk Mail
This box is God’s provision to focus on the “majors” and get rid of the “minors.” What are you so worried about today that you won’t remember a year from now? Throw it in the junk mail box and delete it as soon as possible.

Inbox
Is there junk in your inbox? Thoughts or actions that corrupt you? Get it into the junk box and delete it as often as you need to. Then use the Philippians 4:8 as a filter for what gets to your inbox.
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” (Phil. 4:8 NIV)

Reply to All
I love this key. It is the community key where Jesus resides in the midst of Christians when two or three are gathered. Bring many into your life to live out your daily running Christian program.

Archive
This is the memory key. Take stock of all that God is doing in your life, and save them into an archive where you can go back often to be encouraged. God constantly told his people in the Old Testament to archive or remember.

Control
This key is to remind you that you are out of control and He is in control. Do not use this key. Let only the Holy Spirit use it.

Google
Open Explorer and go to God. Everything you’ve ever wanted to know is in the mind of God; wisdom for any situation when you go to Him. Lean not on your own understanding. Instead, use Google to get God’s mind on things.

I’m sure God has some new things coming out. I heard He is coming out with a Thy Phone to replace the iPhone.

Technologically Yours,
Nick, The Geek

Grief Share

On November 6th it will be one year ago since my big brother, Gene, died. This past year has been one of the most amazing years of my life. With my brother’s death I lost my past. My entire family vanished with his passing.

This past year has had two parallel tracks. One has been an unparalleled grief in my life. It has been lonely and overwhelming many times. The second track has been an unparalleled experience of the mercy and comfort of God. I’ve experienced God in a deep fathering and mothering way.

I want to share with you some of the things I’ve learned on unexpected and unwanted path. I think you will find some of these helpful in relating to our friends’ losses and anyone in particular who suffers. I offer this in humility with my desire and prayer to be a blessing to you and your ministry.

I learned in those first moments that nothing can prepare us for the shock of losing someone you deeply love and who lives in the fabric of your life. It is a painful tearing with accompanying shock. In those moments you learn to receive from others. The simple gestures of phone calls, cards, and flowers are like taking medicine to keep you alive.

Early on there were three gestures that came in the form of material gifts that God used all year long to steady me and comfort me.

My friend Jody Strathman, in Colorado, sent me the most beautiful card with artwork from a young friend who drew it just before she died in a car accident. It was three hands working to repair a broken and bleeding heart. Three hands represent the Trinity who lovingly and steadily work to do emergency surgery on our ruptured, injured hearts. In the card, Jody wrote the most beautiful and tender encouragement to grieve and let God love me. Jody was like a nurse helping me to know the way to heal. Thank you dearest Jody! ♥

My dear friend of many years, Donna Hatasaki, took me out to lunch telling me that she wants to hear everything and just listen. Donna is one of the greatest listeners I know in my life. Nothing has been more important to me than someone willing to listen over and over again. The shock of grief demands a retelling of the story to emerge into the reality of what has happened and eventual acceptance that does not have a time limit on it.

Donna lovingly listened. Then she gave me a beautiful gift that I will forever cherish and always remember my brother by. It was a gorgeous, ornate, white heart Christmas ornament. Donna told me it was for the healing of my broken heart and to remind me that God has healed my brother’s heart. I looked at it all Christmas and what Donna said was true. It was healing for my heart and comfort to know God has my brother’s heart.

After Christmas I could not put it away. I asked God what to do and then my eyes landed on an 8x10 photo of my birth mother when she was 18 years old. She was carrying me in her womb at the time of the picture. Gene and I are adopted from two different families. I found my mother but he, painfully, never found his. I hung the beautiful ornament on the top left corner of the photo saying, “Gene, I give my mother to you to be your mother.” It is by my bedside and I look at it every night knowing God has healed Gene’s mother wound. Thank you, Donna, for giving me something so tangible that has lasted all year.

Then my wonderful 17-year-old, artist son, Zack, gave me something that also has been a daily source of healing. He fashioned and painted a small clay lighthouse with a sign on the front that says, “Gene’s”. That it came from one of my precious sons at Christmas and symbolized light in darkness blessed me to the deepest core of my spirit. I have it in front of my favorite picture of Gene and me. Thank you, beloved Zack.

These gifts taught me the power of a gift in the form of a tangible object associated with the one you lose. It is just a symbol that God can powerfully use especially when you fall deep into the pit of despair.

From the beginning, my lovely Susie has walked with me. Our grief affects all those who love us and especially those closest to us. Susie has been faithful though I know many times it was hard for her. I know she needed grief relief. The comfort we give is not just to the one who has lost but to those closest to that person. Thank you, Susie, for coming alongside me and staying like the Holy Spirit does.

I learned that within a few weeks most everyone forgets about your loss, but it is just getting started for you and the roughest days are still ahead. I foresaw this and early on made an important decision. I decided that I would not hold anyone under resentment who was not present for me in my grief, realizing for various reasons that they were unable to be there. I would accept from God which comforters He decided to send me. There are people you expect to draw near you that don’t and people you never would have expected who do.

One of those was my dear friend, Jen, who lives many states removed from me. Jen is truly the angel God sent me. Phone calls, texts, cards, and emails nearly every week. She made me feel free to call her anytime. She listened, and listened, and listened some more. She never showed impatience. It was as if I had a broken leg healing and she walked alongside me letting me lean on her for support. I felt her support every day though we never had a personal time together. Thank you, Jen, for the gift you gave in friendship that I can never repay.

Then there was Shelley and Kristie, my ministry mates, who I see daily. They constantly drew me out when I wanted to withdraw. That is one of the greatest dangers of grief. But Shelley and Kristie wouldn’t let me do it. At times I felt like a club kid against the wall who didn’t want to play the game. Then Shelley and Kristie would pull me into the game for my own good.
My friend, Lydia, lost her sister 11 years ago. When I began to sink beyond the grief into self pity she, like Shelley and Kristie, would not let me. She disciplined my thinking onto Jesus with my grief to find His peace.

Yet, even with a small circle of wonderful friends it was a journey I have had to travel with God alone. I was thrust into the arms of God in mercy and grace. And did God ever show up! There have been countless visitations from God to encourage me, comfort me, and hold me up. I have learned that when we free fall, He really does catch us. I have learned as I draw close to Him how intimate He is with me. I have experienced His wooing and drawing me to Himself like the lover in the Song of Solomon. I have experienced His specific reassurance that my family is not lost to Him but He holds them in His heart. He has consoled me to know that our little story of a small, poor Italian immigrant family, living together on a farm is all a part of His larger story and is one of the millions of God’s chapters in His book of life!

I have learned that good memories can begin to emerge that start to overshadow the grief. Yet, my loved one will never be forgotten. There will be a sadness that cannot fully be healed until heaven. And yet this simply deepens the experience of life and character. For me I feel a greater urgency to love the people God has placed in my life and tell them so. I realize life is fragile and someone you love can be taken at any time. So I must be attentive to these relationships and savor them. I cannot let my “to do” list take priority over my “to be” list. My list of who I am to be present to with encouragement and attentiveness. I am taking more intense joy and gratitude at leaves falling silently in wonder this fall, in a hot cup of black coffee while sharing my life with a friend, in a family dinner, and in a card received or given. Pain is making me more sensitive to the gentle prompting of the Holy Spirit.

I have had to remind myself that grief is different for everyone. My grief is unique as well as how long it takes; a fact I want to carry for the rest of my life when someone in my life loses someone. There is no one size fits all. Like Jen has been to me I want to be present, patient, sensitive, and listening to the friend who has lost someone; and to the Holy Spirit’s prompting about how to help.

One morning a couple of months after Gene’s death I had coffee and conversation with Amira. Amira and I love books, movies, coffee, and conversation. We are such dear friends. She said, “I don’t know how to ask this or if I should but how are you doing with your brother’s death?” I know Amira was concerned she would cause me pain, but it is the opposite. I told her that it meant so much to me that she asked. It freed me to talk and reminded me that I am not alone. When someone is in grief I encourage you to ask how they are. Many people don’t know what to say so they pretend like nothing has happened. That’s what makes the pain worse.

I have learned to grieve but not as those without hope as Paul says in Thessalonians. What an unsurpassable gift we have as Christians. We have real rock solid hope of eternal life. I know for a fact that I am going to reunite with my brother, father, and mother in a joyous reunion. My precious friend, Lydia, and I take a prayer walk every Wednesday. Our relatives are buried in two different cemeteries across the street from each other. We regularly go to each on our walks, talk to our loved ones while praying, and remind ourselves we have the hope of Christ and will reunite soon. The early Christians met in cemeteries and rehearsed this certain hope of unspeakable joy.

I have learned that God, rich in mercy, fills the holes in our lives. This year God has so gently and intimately spoken to me this: “I am God your Father and I am your Father in the loss of your father. I am Holy Spirit and I am mother to you in the loss of your mother. I am Jesus and I am your big brother in the loss of your brother. I am your holy family in which you belong.

There is so much more but I better stop here. Friends, go to our club kids. Go with mercy, comfort, and grace being slow to speak, slow to anger, and quick to listen! Let the Holy Spirit make you a gracious, ever-present comforter to our friends!

In His abundant mercies,
Nick

A Prayer for Capernaum

My Lord and my God! Like Thomas we fall on our knees before you. We touch your wounds – you the wounded One who is a friend of the wounded in body, soul, mind, and spirit. You, Jesus, have brought Capernaum into existence because you love the least of these. You, Jesus, are the host of the Banquet to be held in your home. You, Jesus, call the Mephibosheths of the world to dine at your table with you, the King.

You sent me your servant and all my fellow servants named Pam, Amira, Suzanne, Lyn, John, and hundreds of other servants around the world. You have sent us into the streets, the alley ways, the country lanes, and far away places to get the “crippled, the lame, the blind, and the poor” in order to give names to the nameless, voices to the voiceless, and a place at your table.

We are in awe at what you have done in 25 years. We worship you and are in wonder, like Mary, turning these things in our hearts, that by your mercy you would give us this ministry. Because of this we will not lose heart. We will continue to be among your little ones treating them gently like a mother with her nursing babies and like a father urging, encouraging, and exhorting his own children.

Good Shepherd we tend your flock. We feed your lambs and lead your sheep as you have led us. Jesus, Good Shepherd, please send your Holy Spirit to us and lead us for the next 25 years to go into the far country even if only for one lamb. Let us always seek the statistically meaningless one lamb. We lay our lives down in worship at your feet, Good Shepherd of Capernaum.

Wild, Crazy and "Stupid" Ideas

“Without a vision the people perish” (Proverbs 29:18)

“Some men see things as they are and say why; I dream things that never were and say why not?”
~Bobby Kennedy

“I have a dream” ~ Martin Luther King

“The best Young Life work is yet to be done.” ~ Jim Rayburn

This morning I was reading the newspaper over a strong cup of Peet's coffee when an article grabbed my attention. It was about Israeli scientist, Dan Shechtman, who won this year's Nobel Peace prize in chemistry. The award was for his discovery of a new crystalline chemical structure that seemed to violate the laws of nature. His colleagues mocked him, insulted him, and exiled him from his research group. Shechtman said he never doubted his findings and considered himself merely the latest in a long line of scientists who advanced their fields by challenging the conventional wisdom and were shunned by the establishment because of it. The article goes on to say that the discovery fundamentally altered how chemists conceive solid matter. Since the discovery, quasi crystals have been produced in laboratories and a Swedish company found them in one of the most durable kinds of steel; now used in products such as razor blades and think needles made specifically for eye surgery.

This all got me thinking. We can learn so much from the scientific community regarding their fever pitch curiosity and relentless pursuit of the endless wonders of the created world. I find that we as Christians rarely possess a spiritual curiosity like this and that we in ministry can settle into a routine that rarely changes.

Jim Rayburn said, “The best Young Life work is yet to be done.” What if that is true? What if there are things that God is longing to show us about reaching kids and how we do ministry? He is an infinite God; the Creator of a vast universe that literally explodes our imagination to wonder and drops us on our knees in worship. What if God has so much more for us? What if we could put our agendas aside and open our minds and hearts wide to what God wants to show us in our lives and ministries?

What blocks us from a Nobel Prize type of discovery? I believe the answer lies in two primary places; in us and in others. There reside the voices of negativity. Nothing throws water on a fire faster than the “we can’t do that; it’s not possible” mentality. Some of the greatest discoveries in history were met with ridicule and even assassination. God forbid that we assassinate each other when someone brings up a wild, crazy, “stupid”, never done before idea.

I want to encourage us to listen to God for wild, crazy, stupid, never done before ideas with YL Capernaum. I want to encourage you to color outside the lines. I want to exhort all of us on how we respond to a new idea. It is so easy for us to react immediately in a negative way!

Instead, let’s listen and not respond. You know...”be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger,” as James tells us. Listen and pray. Maybe even take a few days to seek the Holy Spirit asking is this from you. Let’s continue to be pioneering. I believe this is in our DNA in YL Capernaum.

Has something been stirring in you that seems impossible? Don’t shut it down. Pray. Share it. Maybe even step out and try it. What’s the worst that could happen? Mocking, ridicule, exile, and failure? Or maybe God’s Nobel Prize for ministry. I’ve got to go now because I have this “stupid” idea I am working on!

Nick

God Disciplines Those Whom He Loves

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” (Hebrews 12:1-11)


Dear Brothers and Sisters!

The heading to Hebrews 12:1-11 in my bible reads, “God Disciplines Those Whom He Loves”. And in those eleven verses the word discipline is used 10 times. It is striking to see the word so often in so few verses.

The passage begins with an exhortation to run the race before us and never give up. The writer encourages us with the fact that we are surrounded with a great cloud of witnesses cheering us on. The race is obviously a marathon fraught with challenge and difficulty so great that we are tempted to give up. How true to life and ministry! Over my past 28 years on staff and my 39 years in ministry I have been at the end of my rope so often. “Can I keep going?” has been a question I have asked often.

Then the writer gives us an even greater motivation to faithfully run our race. It is the way Jesus ran His race. A grueling, suffering race like no human being will ever experience. It is a race that cost Him His life and so much more. The writer encourages us to fix our eyes on Jesus. We are encouraged to follow His example. To watch the way he did it. To imitate Him not only in carrying our cross but to do it for the joy set before us. The joy is that we faithfully complete our assignments and hear the Father say well done good and faithful servant.

Then the writer reminds us that we are under the Father’s discipline. We are told earlier in Hebrews that Jesus learned obedience through suffering. Jesus experienced the Father’s discipline in His ministry. Do we think for a minute if He did that we won’t?

As we faithfully engage in our ministries, God is using our ministries to discipline us, shape us, and grow us into the likeness of His Son. Mother Teresa stated that our troubles are signs that God trusts us. Then she declared, “I wish He wouldn’t trust me so much.” I relate to that. Sometimes don’t you just want to say, “Okay God, stop. Enough.” But the truth is God is a watchful, attentive, loving Father with a plan for us.

In Amos God states to Israel, “I chose you out of all the nations of the earth to be intimate but you went after idols. That is why I must punish you.” We are His special possessions: sons and daughters. We can’t get away with anything. So, 10 times the writer talks of God’s discipline that is painful and not pleasant but will also lead to our holiness and fruitfulness.

Trust that the Father loves you when it gets hard in ministry. When there is suffering. It is an active sign of the Father’s activity. Our ministries are being used by God to shape us. Take a few moments and think on that. How has God shaped you in the last year through your ministry? Then fix your eyes on Jesus and keep running the race.

Under His Discipline,
Nick

Should We Expect Someone Else?

“John’s disciples told him about all these things. Calling two of them, he sent them to the Lord to ask, “Are you the one who is to come, or should we expect someone else?”

When the men came to Jesus, they said, “John the Baptist sent us to you to ask, ‘Are you the one who is to come, or should we expect someone else?’”

At that very time Jesus cured many who had diseases, sicknesses and evil spirits, and gave sight to many who were blind. So He replied to the messengers, “Go back and report to John what you have seen and heard: The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is proclaimed to the poor. Blessed is anyone who does not stumble on account of me.”” (Luke 7:18-23)

Dear Team!

As Jesus’ ministry gains momentum, John the Baptizer’s prayer in John 3:30 is taking place: “He must increase; I must decrease.” Another translation says: “He must become greater; I must become less.”

John has faithfully fulfilled his ministry but it has resulted in a dark jail cell on a bogus charge. It is in this dark place that John begins to doubt what his whole ministry was about. Two of his disciples come to him telling him the news of Jesus’ ministry.

His fermenting doubt rises to the surface. Did it go something like this? “I was faithful. I was sure my cousin was the One. The Messiah. I proclaimed Him loudly, relentlessly, and faithfully…and I ended up here. I know I was meant to decrease but to this point? I am sure this will be the end of my life. I’ve not only become less, I’ve been forgotten. Did I miss it? Was I wrong? And what is Jesus doing? My disciples tell me all the wonderful stories but He has not taken power. I am so confused. God did I miss your plan? Was it all for naught?”

John turned to his disciples saying, “Would you please go to Jesus personally on my behalf and ask him, “Is He the One to come or should we expect someone else?” And so they left to find Jesus.

As they finished teaching, John’s disciples approached him. “Master, we have a message from your cousin John. He asks, are you the One or should we expect someone else?” Jesus looked deep into their eyes on John’s behalf with empathy and compassion.

Then Jesus called his disciples and a handful of other followers. John’s disciples recognized some of these men and women as people who had been blind, lame, or deaf. Even one had been a leper but he stood there whole and happy.

Jesus smiled and then laughed with His friends. Turning to John’s disciples he said,
“Go back and report to John what you have seen and heard with your eyes and your own ears. The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised and the Good News is preached to the poor. Blessed is the man; blessed are you my cousin, John, who does not fall away on account of me.”

John’s disciples hurried back to John where they are allowed to meet him in his cell. The sound of John’s chains rattle in his dark putrid cell. In this darkness he is given news of light. John listens intently. He hears between the lines the familiar voice of his cousin he has always so deeply loved.

John hears through a transformed mind what this Messiah is doing. He can hear Jesus say, “John my dear cousin, do not doubt in the dark what you saw in the light. You were right. The Son of Man has come announcing the Kingdom of God. And this kingdom comes unexpected amongst the least and forgotten. It will topple the kingdom of this world by what the world sees as foolish and weak. What is foolish to man is God’s wisdom. What is weak to man is God’s power. No longer doubt John. The wisdom of God and the power of God rest upon you even in your cell. Blessed are you for believing in me when there is no reason to do so.”

John sits with this in meditation. He knows now the Messiah is the One who is great and has become less in order to invade and change this world from the inside out. It is the heart that He is out to conquer rather than nations. John knows now it is a matter of time before Rome crumbles.

As I think of this, it is so true to our experience in ministry. We answer Jesus’ call. We serve like John, relentlessly and faithfully. We are ever so confident of Jesus and all that He is. Then we run into a season of the dark cell. A season that can be triggered by loss, tragedy, abandonment, plans disappointed, and we are thrust into this cell of doubt. Like John, we wonder if our ministry is a mistake. We wonder in confusion about something we were so sure about. We doubt Jesus and ourselves. We cry out to Jesus.

He turns our attention not to what we have done but what He has done. He turns our attention to the little ones in our ministries. He compassionately speaks to us and turns our attention to our own ministries. As if to say, do you not see these little ones I have brought to you? Look with new eyes on the wonder of God’s work in your own ministry. Go there and be encouraged in your doubt and darkness that the Messiah has come and you have rightly proclaimed him. Blessed are you YL Capernaum Teammate that you don’t fall away on account of Jesus not doing it the way you wish.

This year when doubt assails us and in the darkness of the cell let us return to our video highlight reel of what our Savior has done in our midst. When we gather let’s bring stories to each other as John’s disciples did to John. And let us find renewal, strength, and a renewed focus on Jesus right in the midst of our cells.

May you be encouraged by Jesus who has called you,
Nick

Eyes on Jesus

“Since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.” (Colossians 3:24)

“And the things you’ve heard me say in the presence of many witnesses these things pass on to faithful women and men who will be able to teach others also.” (2 Timothy 2:2)

“Therefore I urge you to imitate me” (I Corinthians 4:16)

As the new school year begins and the ‘to do’ list grows, I find it really helpful to ask, "Why am I doing all this? What is the central focus of all this?" The true answer easily escapes us. Our first impulse is to say our friends. If we start here we are doomed to frustration and disappointment.

The reason we do this is first and foremost Christ. Ministry is about Christ, before who we serve. The call is from Jesus. Our choosing is from Jesus. Ministry done is unto Jesus. The power is from Jesus. The glory is to Jesus. The motive is Jesus.

The great news about this is that I will never fail when my ministry is “the ministry of the costly extravagant gift.” Meaning that ministry is the alabaster jar of costly perfume poured out on Jesus from an overflowing heart of gratitude and passionate love. When I start here I always succeed because I have blessed Jesus.

Now my numbers might not look good. I might not have enough money or leaders. I might see little fruit. I might be criticized and abandoned. Kids, leaders, committee, parents may frustrate me. But I am not doing this for them. I am living for an Audience of One.

Paul said, “I care very little if I am judged by you or any human court; indeed I do not even judge myself…it is the Lord who judges me.” (I Corinthians 4:3-4) My feelings and self esteem are not based on someone else’s opinion or my own (which is the least reliable) but on what God thinks of me, on how God evaluates and sees me. As a result we hear our heavenly Father say, “You are my beloved son/daughter in whom I am well pleased and take great delight.” (Mark 1:11)

This frees us to be unconditional in our relationships and especially with our friends. When I focus on Jesus I can focus on kids, and in my overwhelming ‘to do’ list it helps to think of one kid. Yes, just one kid. I can’t make a difference in dozens or hundreds of kids but I can go deep with one. I can pour myself out on one. I can spend a lot of time with one. I can impart Jesus in an abundant way to one.

So, as we travel on in this year remind yourself this is all about Jesus. He is our starting point, our middle point, and our finishing point. Then listen to Jesus intently tell who the one kid is. My kid’s name is Big D. Who is yours?!

With Eyes on Jesus,
Nick